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Strategic Communication

The Taliban, tired of frequent demise by 'Nokia Triangulation,' have decided to threaten cellphone companies operating in Afghanistan. The International Herald Tribune reports.

The Taliban have demanded that all four cellphone companies in Afghanistan cease operating during night hours or face attacks on their offices and communication towers, according to a statement issued Monday to journalists.

The statement, issued by a Taliban spokesman, Zabiullah Mujahid, complained that NATO and American forces in Afghanistan, which it called "occupying forces," were tracking the whereabouts of militants through their mobile phones and also conducting espionage through cellphones.

Dear Mr. Mujahid,

If you would kindly reject the practice of executing Afghan women with a bullet to the head in the public square for the intolerable sin of imperfection by adultery, and likewise reject the companion practice of murdering Afghan men who do not share your irresistible desire to kill all who disagree with you and your friends, then perhaps the local citizenry would not inform forces of your whereabouts. They - in theory - no longer feeling threatened, of course.

Until such time, please note that the power button on your cell phone does not require sunlight to function. At sunrise, however, it will function even still - neither requiring darkness - and you can press it at will.

Or, alternatively, you and yours can seek to blow up the cell phone operators and their civilian employess in Afghanistan. Surely we will witness the wisdom and compassion of your choice made in short order.

Respectfully,